Blink and you will miss the point- 1/25/07

I watched the President’s “State of the Union” speech this week without any significant expectations. I knew that the war in Iraq would dominate. I hoped for (and was pleasantly surprised by) the discussion of health benefits. The President’s proposal for tax breaks to those paying their own health insurance premiums was music to sore ears.

After that gem, the rest of the speech felt like a droning repetition of what Bush has been saying for three years. As the rhetoric grew, I found myself noticing some interesting physical attributes among our elected officials. The television cameras were most often, tightly focused on the faces of House speaker Nancy Pelosi, Vice President Cheney and the President.

When the words “strong” and “fight” and “war” and “troops” played over and over, I started to tune out the babble and noticed a pattern of blinking that was both odd and mesmerizing.

First, I noticed that Vice President Cheney hardly ever blinks. He just stares into space with a rough, sometimes pained expression. He shifts and stares so hard that I wondered what was occupying his thoughts. Perhaps he was counting his remaining days in office. Maybe he was reminiscing about his grand ol’ hunting days and scheming plans to get the President to join him on one of his danger driven wooded adventures.

Then my attention turned to Nancy Pelosi. At the start of the evening, the President with these grand words had introduced her…

“Tonight, I have the high privilege and distinct honor of my own, as the first president to begin the State of the Union message with these words, `Madam Speaker.’”

Well those words must have thrown Nancy for a loop. I started counting Pelosi’s incessant blinking, after noticing the stoic stare of the Vice President. Turns out, that she blinks 14 times for every one Cheney blink. She’s a blinking machine. I bet the President could feel the fluttering breeze from his left shoulder as he spoke.

There are many causes of excessive eye blinking, dry eyes, allergies and even the use of anti-depressants can bring on the batting. The most common cause, however, is nerves.

Nerves seems a likely cause in this case.

Imagine sitting behind the most gaseous President in history when he delivering another bloated speech. Poor lady!

Senate perfects time management- 1/19/07

Did you hear that the U.S Senate just finished a 100 hour legislative blitz?

During this harried span of hours, the new Democratic majority worked on legislature to increase the minimum wage, make our ports more secure, follow suggestions from the infamous 911 report, expand embryonic stem cell research, cut student loan interest rates and allow Medicare to buy cheaper drugs. These are all important causes, requiring much time and consideration.

However, the very important, life-altering 100 hour blitz took only 87 hours?
Magic! That’s time-efficiency at its best.

Did you also know that in December 2006, the new House majority leader decided that House members would have to work five days a week. Prior to this, our public servants stressed and strained for a whopping three days a week.

While I type this, I have about 30 emails awaiting my attention. It’s Friday and I will be working this weekend on weddings, real estate writing that is past due and finishing up production work that I could not complete during the week. Yep, I am whining a little. But it is for all working Americans.

The average middle class American works a 56-hour week. While we commoners toil to keep the kids fed, bills paid and roof over our collective heads, our elected officials are magically doing 100 hours of work in 87. I demand the secret recipe that magically trims away 13 hours. Does this mean that they earn 13 hours less pay?

In order to keep these guys and gals honest (since honesty is the foundation of all politics), I suggest that work hours clocked be posted on every political advertisement for re-election.

In addition to “I’m Senator Workaholic and I paid for this commercial.” They should be required to say “I’m Senator Workaholic and I worked 17 hours a week during my last term.”

The irony of Washington is that most of the politicians who cannot make it to their Capitol offices, have plenty of time to meet with special interest representatives. Lobbyists are lining up to meet with them. Special interests groups are kowtowed to, while legislative responsibilities sit on the hill.

The final insult- our elected officials vote for their own pay increases. When do they find the time?